photography

I Write With My Hands About Things I Do With My Hands

Sup, mofos.

Remember my fiance? You know, the one who I think is super fucking stoic and mysterious but is actually just a huge nerd that makes goat noises?

This fuck weasel?


Guess what he did!

No, you have to guess.

He upgraded my camera. He upgraded my little Kodak to a beautiful, sleek Nikon D5600. Not that I didn’t love my sweet Manon but the local community college did not know how to teach me professional photography on a Kodak. So, let me introduce you to Richard Campbell Gansey III aka Daddy Dick.

He’s beautiful, yes?

I’m stoked because I can now invest in some photography classes during the summer. Here’s a comprehensive list of “what this means for everyone in my sphere of existence”:

  • More pictures of tarot readings
  • More pictures of crystals and bones
  • More pictures of books
  • More pictures of coffee
  • Humans being dragged into adventures on a more frequent basis
  • Obnoxiously spontaneous day trips
  • “I need a fucking picture of that”
  • “I need a picture of your fucking face”
  • “Hold fucking still”

 

Here are some (edited) pictures of bookish layouts that I’ve done in the last couple weeks (taken on the Kodak).


Here is an (edited) picture of a shirt that my boss designed for me that I turned into Tumblr trash.


Here’s me with Daddy Dick.

I also decided to get an Apple Watch, because go big or go home, right? I’m very surprised with how much I like it – I went on a hike yesterday and it was really efficient to have the watch on instead of trying to use my phone for everything.

So, I’m going to be working on photography quite a lot in the upcoming months. This Mercury Retrograde is absolutely kicking my ass; I’m normally an extremely restless person who needs to be engaging in some sort of creative outlet to feel sane and I’m usually small and consistently angry, but this is something else entirely. This is some “I’m afraid of my own shadow, I don’t know who I am anymore” My sister and I are going to get crystals to combat some of the disruptive energy buzzing around the atmosphere. I’ve had an insane amount of drive to do tarot readings lately and when I was up on my mountain I had a weird pull a card pull a card pull a card feeling tugging at my gut. I drew a card.

 

 

Queen of Wands, as defined by Maggie Stiefvater in my raven oracle deck, is essentially the “fire breathing over-protective viciously caustic bitch” card. In case you were wondering how that fucking translates into something important – I pulled my personality on a card. I rarely ever draw fire cards. My birth cards are the Moon and Strength and I typically always end up with Death somewhere in my spreads. Honestly, I think it’s the first time I’ve ever paid attention to the Queen of Wands but I am now paying very good attention and listening very well to whatever the world is saying.

The Queen of Wands is the dominant feminine energy of the element of Fire. She is not afraid to demonstrate her power to others nor does she shy away from a challenge. She is therefore a strong leader who is focused on her desires, intending to get what she wants. Thus, the Queen of Wands indicates that you are strong, independent and able to take care of yourself and sustain your own creative vision, even in the face of adversity. You know what you want and how to get it, and you are masterful at engaging with others to achieve your goals.

Called. The. Fuck. Out. It’s always a little bittersweet when the universe is like “Yeah dude, you have the magic but you kind of need a kick in the fucking pants to remember to use it.”

In bookish news, I put aside Me, Earl the Dying Girl favor of Labyrinth of the Lost by Zoraida Cordova. I needed some more magic and less male narrative in my life. Normally, I gear myself more towards male-oriented novels because 97% of the time, I can’t relate to the main character when it’s a girl. Unless she’s like, basically Satan, I cannot handle the tortured, love-sick monolog and the internal struggle to be “just like other girls”. I have never once had a desire to be the same as someone else and I hope that I receive a nice uppercut to the jaw if that ever happens. I digress;  I like Cordova’s novel thus far, I have always had a strong inclination to the study of brujas and Dia De Los Muertos. I hope this book does the culture justice. I just finished Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea and the ending was not bad! I really enjoyed the story and I’m considering getting the second book in the series but I’m so behind on my TBR that I can feel my soul dying a little every day. Just kidding, I don’t have a soul; but my TBR is fucking insane, I wasn’t kidding about that part. I noticed that audio-books have really changed my interaction with reading as a whole. I was driving the other day, running errands as we adults do, and I realized that I’ve started to equate certain parts of town with certain moments in books. Seventh Street now reminds me of when Ronan stole the Pig and raced K. The parking lot of Ulta out on Pyramid Highway will always bear the weight of Kit finding out that Della is pregnant. It’s a strange sort of reality, where words have started to paint themselves into my town.

In terms of other creative projects, I am currently teaching myself to embroider so I can give people dish towels that say shit like “go fuck yourself” and “thug ass piece of trash” because you know, I love them. I’d like to be able to embroider patches someday because I fucking love putting patches on shit. I’m trying so hard to put more energy into bullet journaling. That’s right, friends, ya girl is Bullet Journal Trash. Honestly, though, I have tried and tested so many fucking methods of keeping my shit together. I have the attention span of a five-year-old so traditional methods are not good for me. My BuJo (shut the fuck up) is less of a planner and more of a Book of Shadows and memoir cross-over. The most organized aspect of it is my “Important Dates” page where I basically write down any appointments I have that are at high risk to be forgotten aka “any appointment I make, ever.” Here is my cuss-word filled BuJo in all its glory, paired up with my rude-ass pencil bag that has more lipsticks and lighters in it than actual pens. 

My 2017 reading accomplishments page is sad, I know. I got sucked into the Raven Cycle series and it spit me out, completely unmotivated to read anything else, ever again. If you need me, I’ll be continuing my existential crisis over the search for a dead Welsh king and the fact that I have the same soul as a street-racing farmer.

That’s all there is,

Carry on –

The Book Witch

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We Are Okay Review + Birthday Shenanigans

Sup, mofos.

My 22nd birthday was yesterday so I’ve been super busy in anticipation of that particular event. For those of you wondering, I went to a Death Cab for Cutie concert on Thursday night AND IT WAS MAGICAL AS FUCK. I’ve been to concerts before and I really enjoyed them. I’m a music-oriented person. Nine out of ten times I’m going to remember something in terms of what songs were playing or what songs were popular at that period of my life. So, concerts are a good place for me. Being introverted has its drawbacks in the sense of really, really hating fucking crowds but I’m also a super aggressive and angry introvert and that balances me out a bit. Anyway, it was magical. It was one of those times when you get goosebumps because suddenly everyone is singing along to a song that you used to fall asleep to and the nostalgia is tangible. I was amazed at how alive I felt during the concert and my friend that took me (an early birthday present, bless her) was just as stoked, which was awesome. I hella started tearing up during Soul Meets Body but it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about that. The moral of the story is that I am now a concert junkie – look out world, I just gained another tier of Crazy.

On my actual Womb Evacuation Anniversary, I spent the day getting completely fucking wrecked with my soul sister who happens to also have the same Womb Evacuation Anniversary. Jason has the stomach flu, though, so I had to cut my 10-hour drinking spree short. St. Paddy’s is such a fantastic day to be of legal drinking age and have a birthday because the amount of whiskey that one consumes is completely justifiable by saying “FUCK IT I’M IRISH”. I have definitely decided that I need to permanently ingrain my day of birth into my flesh by getting a Celtic tattoo. Sue me, I like body art.

A lot.

Okay, so here comes the nerdy part. I had a fucking amazing couple of days and then the bookish gifts started flooding in. I got my March package from my pen pal and she picked out some seriously rad looking reads for my library (because she’s a Virgo and I collect Virgos because they understand me). My incredibly sweet Uncle Grapes (it’s a long story, it’s fine. Everything is fine) sent me some money so I went straight to Barnes & Noble. I even got a year membership! No self-control! Also, for someone who has such immense tolerance for physical pain and alcohol, I sure don’t have any tolerance for people or expensive books. My boss (also a Virgo, I was not kidding when I say I collect them) found me amethyst bookends. She remembered that I saw them a few months back and didn’t feel like splurging so she went ahead and did me a solid. Here they are in their glorious and majestic as fuck nature.

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They’re so pretty, I could just die.

So then, my mother-in-law presented me with a personal library kit and a book embosser. That’s right, I have a book embosser now. She got me a copy of The Scorpio Races because one can never have too much Stiefvater in their lives AND I EMBOSSED IT.

embosserlibrary kit

 

She used my fiance’s last name on the embosser and that made my cold, dead heart warm ever-so-slightly. I’m going to emboss everything I own and then if someone tries to run away with one of my precious babies I will hunt them down and emboss them, too.

Anyway, here’s a little snippet of my thoughts regarding We Are Okay (by Nina Lacour)

  • I read Hold Still a few years ago and really, really liked it so I expected the same kind of enjoyment from We Are Okay 
  • LBGT characters? Yes! Sign me THE FUCK UP. Gimme all the representation, all of it. 
  • It was a little tricky to get into, the story starts off pretty timid and vague but once I was in, oh boy, was I in.
  • Marin is extremely relatable; her grief is so realistic there were times that I thought I could hold it…if I was careful
  • The character development is astouding  – for real, some of the best CD I’ve ever read. You go from being like “Okay, what’s going on, send help” to being like “Something very profound just happened and I think I missed it because I was too busy watching these people unfold”
  • THE PLOT TWIST IS THE WORST THING EVER. Like okay, Nina. We get it, you like crushing people like ants under your feet but this is cool, too. There will be no spoilers ahead but I can tell you that the thing was revealed and I had to reread it because it was so unexpected.
  • It had a lovely nostalgic feel to it. There was such delicious descriptive language. It felt like road trips and Christmas and beach trips all rolled into a delightful little package of soul-crushing sadness.

 

I give it a solid 8/10 and highly recommend it for fans of contemporary fiction or who need to feel understood.

I also finished Anna Kendrick’s autobiography. It was good, I’m not a huge fan of biographies but I powered through it because I have a huge crush on her. It’s okay, I read her book. We’re friends now. You can definitely tell where she starts to get more confident in her story because she switches from objective storytelling to snarky asshole over the span of a couple pages. I’m just glad I finished it, to be honest. Her humor was so on point but I truly hate stories of Hollywood and fame. I detest them.

I am now looking for a new audiobook and trying to get through Truthwitch which is becoming better, the further I get into it.

I’ll talk to you guys when I’m done with my vacation so I hope you have a lovely week.

That’s all there is,

The Book Witch

 

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A Narrative; A Character Study

I picked my sister up in the Camry after work. I’ve preferred the Camry as of late because I have more control and more control equates to going faster. It’s not like driving the Explorer, which is all weight and no fluidity. There’s nothing gratuitous about driving a tank. We drove on auto-pilot to our restaurant, to our table – my camera loaded in the back, the weight of feeling everything at once on my shoulders. I had a beer with my lunch while we discussed Camaros and court cases. I had every intention of only going so far out of town that the fresh air would loosen the grip on my lungs. Breathing has been a labor of love the last couple of weeks; staying conscious has been accompanied by nausea and rage. The universe had other plans and I found myself bringing the accelerator to ninety as we careened around the snow-heavy mountainsides. Sometimes you go on a spontaneous adventure – sometimes you lie out of a ticket. Sometimes you talk about books and husbands but the words you need find themselves stuck between your teeth.

I wouldn’t tell her that the only religious experiences that I’ve had revolved around muscle cars, tattoos, and nicotine. The phrase “he was baptized under a stream of self-sacrifice and bare tree limbs but I see a sinner in the mirror when I tie up my hair” would not form itself without leaving the shadow of bitterness behind. I so desperately wanted to tell her that he had learned to love a god that had dragged me through embers and the only worship that I understand is self-destruction. I still have the hole in my palm where I had discovered how to turn their addictions into barbed wire while he brushed them away like sand. I wanted to tell her that he was the color of pine – a source of comfort and solidity – whose branches I could cling onto when the world tipped on its axis. I didn’t tell her that I was the color of a bruise blooming under tired skin, a storm of salt water and shards of stained glass. I would never vocalize that I felt as if smoke and ink replaced vital parts in me, my bones and blood had been insubstantial for longer than I could remember. The world was quieter when I was far away, under the tattoo needle, going too fast. I need substances to stay awake, substances to fall asleep… my own haunted house. I am a fragment of a constellation; the aftershock of a thunderstorm. I am petrified of heights but graveyards make me feel whole. I have bloodied my knuckles intentionally more times than I can count and he has always brought peace to any environment. He is the saved turned savior and I wear a crown of thorns to all my affairs. 

My sister knows about anger. She knows the walk that I make from driver seat to front porch is stained with grief. She knows that when I hear the sound of gravel under my boots that the years are soaking through to my skin and I’m imagining the slick crunching noises are actually femurs and scapulae. She knows of the night terrors that follow me around and the stories I read to make them subside. She knows that I wear oceans inside my veins and frost bite under my nails. 

I do not have to say it but 

she knows.

She always 

knows. 

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What I’m Reading + Bookish Tattoos

Hello, friends!

I bet you all thought since I got my laptop back I would be blogging a lot! W R O N G! But really, its not for any exciting reason, I just had a rough couple of weeks.

I did, however, get my Fuck Love tattoo.

tattoo

Here’s the caption that went with it:

“Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it” I will not be afraid of letting the reality of my existence take up space in the world. i will not apologize for my curves or the dichotomy of the sharp angles and softness of my hips. i will not dumb myself down to make you more comfortable. being ashamed of intelligence is a horrendous thing. i will not apologize for my purple hair, my tattoos, my done or undone face. i will never sacrifice my empathy, my ambition, or my ruthlessness. i won’t tell you i’m sorry for needing time away from other humans to feel whole again or for the books in my purse. i won’t be beat down for my truth – the splotchy mind of pock marked depression and OCD and panic disorder. i will not be ashamed of the bridge between lobes that confuses colors with numbers, my constant entanglement of senses. i won’tgive excuses for my love of kurt cobain and johnny cash. let me love what i need to, let me say what needs to be said. i am a ragged breath under a star filled sky.

Sorry for the blood!

I really felt at home in the tattoo shop I went to for this one; I liked my first artists because they were my friends prior to me being a client but I deeply loved something about Nichole. She reminded me of a winter fairy working in a tattoo shop, like stepping into the series that convinced me that tattoos were to be cherished and collected at all costs. I am stoked to finish the rest of my book sleeve.

I’m gonna have to include something from the Throne of Glass series since I finished Queen of Shadows last week and I felt something latch onto my soul. I love that fucking series. I cannot get over how much I love that series. Like holy shit, it is blowing my mind. I just love Aelin and Rowan and Manon and my sweet cinnamon roll Dorian. If my little #friendshipgoals group doesn’t survive this series I will personally end someone’s life as a payment for theirs. I still strongly dislike Chaol, strongly. Dislike. With. a. Passion.  Everyone talks about the Inner Circle of ACOTAR being the six best friends that anyone could ever have but have you met my sweET TERRASEN RULING COURT?! HAVE YOU MET THEM AND BASKED IN THE GLORY OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP?! I DID AND I FUCKING CRIED.

I even got a cute little Manon/ Dorian candle set! (I don’t have a problem)

KODAK Digital Still CameraKODAK Digital Still Camera

They smell like happiness and they make me smile, isn’t that enough for you?

I also got a new BuJo (or bullet journal as the academics might call it) that was inspired by Manon. Oh, and I have more stickers and a new wallet on the way, that are also ToG related. Can you tell who my favorite character is? I’ll give you two guesses. You’re probably also wondering what tea that is – it’s the Malfoy Tea Emporium’s flavor, Haunted Library. How can you scroll past a shop called Malfoy’s Tea Emporium with teas like Haunted Library, Queen of the Underworld, and Rhysand? Draco Malfoy deserved better. 

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Speaking of friendship goals, I’m almost 3/4 of the way through the Raven Cycle series and I just?! how?! does she write?! characters like?! THAT!!!! I am in love with all the sweet Raven Boys and Blue A N D the Grey Man AND everyone at 300 Fox Way and Kavinski for some weird, probably really deeply ingrained psychological issue. Its so intricate and amazing and has moved its way up into my Top 5 series, just like Throne of Glass. I’m gonna have to add the Raven Cycle to my book sleeve. I really love books that focus on more than one character, like the other characters are allowed to have pasts and fears and hobbies. I’m so madly, truly in love with the Steifvater and Maas write stories, they’re polar opposites and yet so many things are similar and both are so worthy of attention. Raven Cycle doesn’t seem to have as big of a fandom as ToG which bums me out because, again, I really liked Kavinski and I feel like I need to receive feedback as to whether that’s normal or not.

I finished Shade Me, the book about the girl with synesthesia trying to solve a mystery. It was… okay. She was a pretty lame character with lame love interests and lame enemies. The mystery was good and I liked how twisted it was but I was still left going “What the fuck? That doesn’t make any sense” at the end. I did appreciate the representation of synethesia, though. Its uncommon in books and its such a wicked way of having your brain wired. I have it mildly, and by mildly (insert Lemony Snicket voice), a word which here means, not as severe as this book character, I am referring to the fact that it still makes me want to rip my hair out from unwanted stimulus. I started Grave Mercy and it seems I have a thing for assassins or minions of death, in general.

I’ve been on a weird poetry kick lately and I found this gem at my town’s Barnes and Noble. 100_0144.JPGBy “this gem” I mean the Johnny Cash poetry collection. I cannot even begin to articulate how much I love Johnny Cash. He was my childhood friend and I will probably request “Highwayman” to play at my funeral. I will be getting a Johnny tattoo at some point.

Have a great weekend; I will hopefully have the time to write again, soon

Carry on,

The Book Witch

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Thankful for Youtube Tutorials + Good Highlighter

I’m taking a break from Facebook for a few days; I am one of the millions of human beings who struggles with deep rooted mental illness and sometimes it makes me feel better to just exercise control over very insignificant things – it reminds me that there are so many aspects of my life that will never go the way I want them to, but I can always tackle the world one niche at a time.

Speaking of things to tackle, I have been watching lots of tutorials on YouTube about taking photos! I learned, and don’t judge me (I know that this is super basic rule #1 and I should’ve known already) that lighting is very,  very important. I know, I told you in advance. So, I played around with it today and….

KODAK Digital Still Cameramakeup5.JPG

 

KODAK Digital Still Camera

ITS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE KIND OF PICTURES I WAS CONVINCED THAT I WOULD BE TAKING FOREVER.

I got another book about DSLR tricks so that’s on my list of tasks to conquer this weekend. I’ve mostly been teaching myself by playing with buttons and watching YouTube tutorials. I love YouTube, it’s surprisingly educational and I’m fairly certain there’s a video for everything. If you’re angry because there’s not a video for something and you think there should be, make one. I watched some videos about flat-lays, which is the primary kind of pictures that I’ve been posting here and to my Bookstagram (@_bookwitchblog, I know you were wondering). Inspired, I grabbed my paperback copy of Raven Boys and some props (I say props because I don’t know how to explain the coyote bones that I collect or the massive amounts of crystals that I own).

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I think it turned out cute, look what Chandler did! I’m gonna go to Michaels when I can and get some new paper for the background – marbles, water, and whatnot. I also need to collect things to supplement my books. Books are friends and thus, need friends.

Also, are you guys makeup collectors like me? Incidentally, my love of makeup started through books. The first reason is that I had a couple thrift store books growing up that were all about the history of makeup and makeup artists. I adored those books. Secondly, I love book-character inspired makeup. I used to play around with Katniss themed smokey eyes when I was younger. I really think that makeup is either really loved or really hated; I think the creativity that people employ when applying their makeup is amazing. I have seen some of the most mind-blowing expressions of talent on Instagram, Tumblr and Facebook. Let me know if you’ve ever done a book-themed makeup, hair, or fashion look – I would love to see it.

Anyway, thanks for looking! I have a feeling that I will love experimenting with this project.

Carry on,

The Book Witch

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What I’m Reading Now & Updates

Hey, everyone!


It’s been hard to blog without a laptop. I’m able to borrow my fiance’s laptop when he’s home but most of the blogging hours that I have available are when he’s at work, so that’s kind of a bummer.


(I don’t have a washi tape problem, I swear)

I haven’t finished a book since I finished Fuck Love, not for lack of trying but more for lack of time and lots of chores to fill the empty spaces. I’m still working on Seven Black Diamonds and so far I’m not as impressed with it like I was with Wicked Lovely. There’s definitely trademark Melissa Marr signatures throughout the book but I think I lean more towards books that focus on different elemental courts than Unseelie and Seelie based stories. SBD is definitely not a bad novel but I think I prefer her other works – based on characters, plot, and setting. I have started listening to The Raven Boys and I’m starting to really love it. At first, I thought it was tediously slow and there wasn’t enough happening but I’m about halfway through and I’ve realized that the reason I fell in love with the Shiver series, by the same author, was because she spent so much time getting her readers to fall in love with the characters before she can let the plot take hold of our fragile hearts. I ordered some Lush products and I’m patiently waiting for the so I can take a couple 4 hour baths and get some quality reading time in.


In the picture above, my secret santa gift from one of my best friends, a book on my TBR, & my favorite items from the January OwlCrate. In the picture below, my puppy helping me unbox my first book subscription. 

In other news:

  • My custom Drarry candle (from Seven Hearts Wax Co) came in and it’s amazing. Long live my problematic ships. I think you could replace every ounce of my personality and some deep, dark abyss inside my soul would still be like “Uh, sorry. Harry and Draco belong together”
  • I made an appointment to get an addition to my quarter sleeve. It’s actually based on Greer and a quote from Fuck Love: “Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it”. I’m excited to keep adding to my Bookish Arm (I named it that, don’t judge me). I’m thinking after this one I’ll get something based on ToG but I haven’t decided what that will be yet.
  • I’m starting to watch YouTube tutorials and take notes about my camera. It is increasingly frustrating for me to pick up a new project and not understand any of it.
  • I started a reading group with my sister and one of our old friends. The book is called Young Wives Club and it’s based in the South; the three of us are either married or engaged so I decided to peer pressure them into starting our book club, The Young Wives, so that I can have humans in my general vicinity to discuss books with.
  • I found a group on Facebook (bless social media and all the ways that they help introverts decide how much interaction to get in a day) called Novel Book Exchange AND ITS LIKE A PEN PAL SYSTEM BUT WE SEND BOOKS AND FUN THINGS. I really like my pen pal, Amber, and I’m sending out her first box this week.
  • Jason ordered me the February Fairy Loot box! Oh my gosh, it was so cute. I told him a month ago that I was thinking about it since there’s an exclusive Manon/Dorian item that I’m dying for. He told me to go ahead and get it but we didn’t have a whole lot of money so I put it off. My in-laws had gotten me the January Owl Crate and I loved it. When he asked me if I had ordered it I said no, I didn’t want to because of finances and he ordered it for me! He’s the person who introduced me to audio-books but he’s never been into physical reading – so, it was such a compassionate, sweet gesture. I absolutely melted.
  • I finally found floral leggings. Syles for Less! I love floral leggings, I feel like they balance out my tattoos and the massive amounts of dark colors that I wear.

 

I’ll hopefully talk to you guys later this week! What is everyone reading? Any book recommendations, graphic novel recommendations, crime show recommendations?

Oh, and before I forget – I started an instagram solely for book related things. The handle is @_bookwitchblog so if you’d like to stay updated and in contact on social media, that’s where to find me!

Carry on,

The Book Witch


My outfits and makeup from yesterday – the top is during a friend’s birthday outing & bar hopping with my fiancé. I called it “hipster Manon”. Then there’s what I look like at work, complete with pigtails and my mean mug. 

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An Introvert’s Insight Into Toxic Influences

So, learning how to use a DSLR camera is a fucking nightmare. I got some reading material to try and clarify some things but it looks like the mostly focus on Nikon and Canon…and I’m a proud Kodak owner. 

In addition, I haven’t gotten any positive news about my laptop so my nerves are a little frayed. On a brighter note, my fiancé started his new career yesterday. We have some bills to pay and some wedding costs to manage and then (hopefully) we will be able to move. I’m dying to have my own space and a push in the right direction is something we definitely need.

I was really excited this morning because I woke up, went to the gym, showered, and then had a personalized makeup lesson from one of the girls at my second job. Makeup is one of those daily routines that really empowers me.

Here’s the finished look:


In other news, I came across a few quotes recently that really resonated with me. The first one was:

You should give a fuck. You really should, but only about things that set your soul on fire. Save your fucks for magical shit.

and then this one, a quote about INTJ’s that I felt deep in my soul:

We love few people profoundly instead of several people sparingly.

and, finally:

Life is too short for bad books, decaf coffee, and toxic people.

I befriended my first toxic person in middle school, and much like I collect Virgos, I’ve been attracting them ever since. When I began this friendship, I had already been dubbed the “Harry Potter girl” and the “fastest reader” in my class of thirty-six students. I was strange and wall-flowerish and too sarcastic for my age. I rejected most of the religious readings and, above all, hated being separated from my books. For someone who had always been comfortable in my own skin, it was surprising how fast my friend was able to make me hate myself- I was called fat and emotional and weird. Suddenly, I wasn’t as at home in the silence of solitude or as in-love with the quirt nooks of my home. I needed to be reassured that my presence was important, desired. I didn’t care about any of this; I had found a friend! A friend with similar interests, as well!

Years passed before I reclaimed my self worth. After my first toxic influence, I continued to allow toxic people into mt life – welcoming their personal issues as my own – until recently. I cut the ties, fishing wire and red strings, holding me to the toxic people in my life. Re- learning to enjoy my own company was much more rewarding than being a doormat.

I’m not sure what it’s like for extroverts to have toxic influences in their lives, I have never been an extrovert. Even in the days that I spent covered in sunshine and chlorine, I craved solitude. I can tell you, however, how important it is for introverts to let go of negative people. Allowing toxicity into our lives is consenting to the idea that we aren’t worth more than their opinions. It’s letting go of Friday nights at home, with our hobbies and our thoughts, to go be with someone who will eventually turn us against ourselves. It’s saying
“I don’t love you, the bones that form my foundation and the mind that dwells inside, to keep you safe from voluntary harm”. It sounds harsh but it’s true; every time I’ve told someone “That friend doesn’t treat you with love”, I’ve watched the fear in their eyes so often that I feel it as my own. You shouldn’t fear cutting ties with someone, but that’s what happens with toxic humans – they inject themselves into our veins and take root in our hearts; they poison our blood with false promises and their own victimization.

I know lovely people in my life that I wish would cut ties with their toxic friends. I know it’s hard, I have toxic people in my family tree that I have no hope for severing, but I have learned to stand my ground and allow myself to create considerable distance.  I know people who light up my world that are friends with people who want to control them or change them or turn them into something that they aren’t.

If you come away from this post with anything, I hope you understand that you can’t fully love the right people or trust healthy relationships until you let go of the wrong ones.

May you always know your worth & let your truth shine,

The Book Witch

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