Hello, my children of the night
Autumn has arrived in my little melting pot of a town and I feel like a completely different human. That was dramatic, let me rephrase: I feel like the same, small and angry human, who feels at home in her skin.
That was dramatic, let me rephrase: I feel like the same, small and angry human, who feels at home in her skin.
My apartment is entirely decorated for autumn and Halloween. I say “entirely” in the sense that most of my home decor is gothic anyway and I’ve just been adding more to it and burning a shit ton of fall candles.
Jason and I got a space heater in preparation for the colder months, you know, like adults; today I went to REI and got some camping chairs to put on our patio so I can sit outside with my laptop and my tea. Speaking of that, I am currently in one of the said chairs, with a blanket that my grandma made me, my Pirates of the Carribean mug full of tea, and a Spotify playlist called “crisp leaves and lattes” playing through my speakers. I AM A COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL WHO LIKES STREET RACING AND ANGRY MUSIC AND BAR FIGHTS BUT WILL CHUG A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY UGG BOOTS AND LEGGINGS, OKAY?! FUCKING F I G H T M E
Anyway, autumn and winter are the months where I feel the most serene and magical. You know how I talk about what a bitch I am during summer? I am still a bitch, but a much calmer bitch. I’m a domesticated, sweater weather loving, judgemental stare giving asshole during fall and I love it. Autumn is extremely nostalgic for me. Autumn is a blanket of familiar sadness and a sensation of pure, overwhelming bliss. I myself am a contradiction so therefore I thrive during times when I’m experiencing such a contrasting pull on both sides of my heart.
Autumn brings grief because it reminds me of:
- Good friends I used to spend most of my days with, who I no longer speak to. I don’t miss them and our friendships were unhealthy, but the memories still hurt
- My Mimi; summer was a big season for us because I was always with her but there’s a reason my Papa called us “the Witches” – we are autumnal souls. She was my autumnal hero.
- Being in a car crash three years ago that was, honestly, pretty horrific and fucked my head up for a while
- Living in situations that were claustrophobic and downright toxic
- Working in places that were ALSO toxic
Autumn also brings me joy, not only because I adore every single fucking aspect of it but because I get to experience memories regarding:
- Doing homework with my sister, spending each and every day with her, leaning on her for support and giving her support in return.
- Adventures with Heather, who also thrives during the -ber months. She always made me feel so normal when autumn rolled around and I was growing back into myself instead of shrinking away, like everyone else
- 20+ years of midnight Halloween shenanigans
- Jason, Jason, Jason
- Music; this one is obscure and hard to describe but there’s a specific type of music that only fits colder days and I yearn for it during summer
- Camping – I love camping in the cold. Fucking love it. Judge me, I fucking dare you.
- Witchcraft, I focus so much more on my practice when I feel more like myself. Summer is so full of irritation and bitterness that I forget how much I love books and magic and walks in the forest.
- Warm, cozy, wonderful baths
- Staying at Aunt Tonya’s house
On a book-related note, I have not only collected several new kitchen appliances but also, several new cookbooks that I am stoked to thumb through and play with. I guess I also won a copy of The Dream Thieves and that kind of made my day when I found it on the coffee table. I’m going to keep it in the car for traffic jams and that’s my final answer.
Speaking of making my day, I got to see my sweet, lovely Nichole today. I got my wedding ring tattooed today. Yes, I did that. I would go into a hundred justifications of it but I don’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks of me or my tattoos. I’ve included some pictures but for clarification reasons, the blue symbols are for Taurus and Scorpio (Jason, who is a Taurus with a water / Scorpio dominance — the blue is for his career) and the black symbols are Pisces and Capricorn ( me; Pisces with Earth / Capricorn dominance and black because it matches my soul). I was going to get waves or a mountain range, but as I was driving to the shop I thought “Why not make this as specific and generally disgusting as possible”
I think I did a good job.
Here is the photographic evidence that my apartment is already as basic as possible yet getting worse every day. The reason that my tattoo pictures and these are so dramatically different is due to the fact that lighting and editing are confusing and I AM STILL LEARNING, OKAY?
That’s all there is,
The Book Witch