personal, Uncategorized

Perks of Being Friends With a Witch

  • We always have sage, palo santo, or Florida water on us at all times. Does your apartment have weird vibes? We got you, bro.
  • Speaking of things we carry with us at all the time, the number of crystals a witch will hoard in their car / house / bra / shoes is fucking insane. The good news is that crystals are great for a multitude of reasons, including throwing them at other humans.
  • You’ll quickly find that urban witches are the tits because we’re fantastically gifted at improvising, you’ll also find that traditional witches are also the tits because they are more than likely to have everything you need on hand.
  • We have a plethora of jars and candles; don’t ask, just accept.
  • Witches are some of the best friends to have since we see magic in the smallest of acts; the bass in a car thumping inside your chest, throwing your head back from laughter, and quiet nights at home are all magical to us. We find magic in everything.
  • Tarot cards, all the tarot cards. I personally carry a deck with me at all times since I never know when I or a loved one is going to need a reading.
  • Edgier witches will fuck someone up for you 24/7, kinder witches will passive aggressively remove them from your life.
  • We’re sentimental as fuck and appreciate homemade gifts more than anything. We know the kind of love it takes to make something for another person. In other words, we’re a cheap date and we don’t expect much for Christmas.
  • In relation to the last bullet point, we celebrate everything. Some of us celebrate in more subtle ways, some of us gather the whole coven and throw a party. Enjoy your new found insanity.
  • We’ll invite you for tea and draw sigils in your cup.
  • Have you been having a weird month? Ask your neighborhood witchcraft practitioner about it! There’s probably a planet in retrograde or a full moon and you bet your sweet ass that we have a crystal for that.
  • We memorize our friends’ and family members’ birth charts. You’ll never have a friend who knows you as thoroughly as a witch.
  • We like to go on unique dates; cemeteries, bodies of water, antique stores, and forests are all places that we thrive in and will invite you to.
  • So many books on so many magical topics. So many, send help.
  • Most witches have a familiar so you get two for the price of one!
  • You’ll get a lot of “I can tell something is going on with you, let’s meet up” text messages
  • Kitchen witches make bomb food with a fucking purpose!
  • If you have a spirit in your home, your witch friend will probably be able to feel something strange upon their first visit and depending on your personal beliefs, they will be happy to communicate with and/or remove it.
  • Random, peculiar gifts. Don’t ask, Sharon, just put the crow’s foot in your pocket.
  • Every witch is different, you’ll never meet one who is exactly like another. Collect them all! The possibilities are endless!

 

Be friends with a fucking witch, you won’t be disappointed.

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That’s all there is,

The Book Witch

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