personal, photography

autumnal creatures, rejoice

Hello, my children of the night

Autumn has arrived in my little melting pot of a town and I feel like a completely different human. That was dramatic, let me rephrase: I feel like the same, small and angry human, who feels at home in her skin.

That was dramatic, let me rephrase: I feel like the same, small and angry human, who feels at home in her skin.

My apartment is entirely decorated for autumn and Halloween. I say “entirely” in the sense that most of my home decor is gothic anyway and I’ve just been adding more to it and burning a shit ton of fall candles.

Jason and I got a space heater in preparation for the colder months, you know, like adults; today I went to REI and got some camping chairs to put on our patio so I can sit outside with my laptop and my tea. Speaking of that, I am currently in one of the said chairs, with a blanket that my grandma made me, my Pirates of the Carribean mug full of tea, and a Spotify playlist called “crisp leaves and lattes” playing through my speakers. I AM A COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL WHO LIKES STREET RACING AND ANGRY MUSIC AND BAR FIGHTS BUT WILL CHUG A PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY UGG BOOTS AND LEGGINGS, OKAY?! FUCKING F I G H T M E

Anyway, autumn and winter are the months where I feel the most serene and magical. You know how I talk about what a bitch I am during summer? I am still a bitch, but a much calmer bitch. I’m a domesticated, sweater weather loving, judgemental stare giving asshole during fall and I love it. Autumn is extremely nostalgic for me. Autumn is a blanket of familiar sadness and a sensation of pure, overwhelming bliss. I myself am a contradiction so therefore I thrive during times when I’m experiencing such a contrasting pull on both sides of my heart.

Autumn brings grief because it reminds me of:

  • Good friends I used to spend most of my days with, who I no longer speak to. I don’t miss them and our friendships were unhealthy, but the memories still hurt
  • My Mimi;  summer was a big season for us because I was always with her but there’s a reason my Papa called us “the Witches” – we are autumnal souls. She was my autumnal hero.
  • Being in a car crash three years ago that was, honestly, pretty horrific and fucked my head up for a while
  • Living in situations that were claustrophobic and downright toxic
  • Working in places that were ALSO toxic

Autumn also brings me joy, not only because I adore every single fucking aspect of it but because I get to experience memories regarding:

  • Doing homework with my sister, spending each and every day with her, leaning on her for support and giving her support in return.
  • Adventures with Heather, who also thrives during the -ber months. She always made me feel so normal when autumn rolled around and I was growing back into myself instead of shrinking away, like everyone else
  • 20+ years of midnight Halloween shenanigans
  • Jason, Jason, Jason
  • Music; this one is obscure and hard to describe but there’s a specific type of music that only fits colder days and I yearn for it during summer
  • Camping – I love camping in the cold. Fucking love it. Judge me, I fucking dare you.
  • Witchcraft, I focus so much more on my practice when I feel more like myself. Summer is so full of irritation and bitterness that I forget how much I love books and magic and walks in the forest.
  • Warm, cozy, wonderful baths
  • Staying at Aunt Tonya’s house

On a book-related note, I have not only collected several new kitchen appliances but also, several new cookbooks that I am stoked to thumb through and play with. I guess I also won a copy of The Dream Thieves and that kind of made my day when I found it on the coffee table. I’m going to keep it in the car for traffic jams and that’s my final answer.

Speaking of making my day, I got to see my sweet, lovely Nichole today. I got my wedding ring tattooed today. Yes, I did that. I would go into a hundred justifications of it but I don’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks of me or my tattoos. I’ve included some pictures but for clarification reasons, the blue symbols are for Taurus and Scorpio (Jason, who is a Taurus with a water / Scorpio dominance — the blue is for his career) and the black symbols are Pisces and Capricorn ( me; Pisces with Earth / Capricorn dominance and black because it matches my soul). I was going to get waves or a mountain range, but as I was driving to the shop I thought “Why not make this as specific and generally disgusting as possible” Nichole6Nichole10Nichole11Nichole12

I think I did a good job.

Here is the photographic evidence that my apartment is already as basic as possible yet getting worse every day. The reason that my tattoo pictures and these are so dramatically different is due to the fact that lighting and editing are confusing and I AM STILL LEARNING, OKAY?

 

That’s all there is,

The Book Witch

Advertisements
Standard
personal

FINALLY

Hello, fuckweasels.

The thing happened… finally… after two years of planning. Jason and I had our wedding.

& it was beautiful.

Here, have some wedding photos!

jaymimimemeus

Our photographer fucking killed it, please, check him out. My family was amazing and my sister and brother-in-law (the MOH and Best Man) made so many things possible. So many amazing people made this day possible and the only real speech I’m going to give is about my family, friends, and vendors. If you’re reading this, thank you thank you T H A N K Y O U 

If you’re a wedding person and want to see more, here’s a link to our video, done by my talented coworker, Sarina.

Chandler & Jason Wedding

What I’m actually going to write about today is marriage, you know, the thing that binds us – for better or for worse.

Marriage is hard. There will be no sugar coating here. Marriage can suck. Before you even think about thinking something along the lines of “You’ve been married less than a week! What do you know, you entitled millennial?” kindly remember that I have been with my fuckweasel for almost 6 years. We have joint bank accounts, we share car insurance, we’re each others’ emergency contacts. We’ve been doing this shit for days. 

So, marriage is hard. Marriage is also a lot of angry conversations, eye rolling, “whatever”s, frustration, and fear. If you couldn’t already guess, I am not fantastic at being a sweet, ladylike housewife. It has taken us a long time to figure out our relationship, let alone for me to figure out how to be a “girlfriend”, let alone a life partner. Jason, for all his stubbornness and man-splaining,  is the best husband I could ever ask for. He complements me in ways that I didn’t know were possible. My brother gave a speech at our wedding that brought me to tears because it was so kind, so raw, and so perfect, but it has been a while since I’ve seen our relationship through that lens.  I see us as two awkward kids just trying to make it. When you’ve been together for so long, the things that are important seem so natural. Jason supporting me through every obscure hobby and adventure is amazing but natural. Me cooking and doing the housework is a lot of time and energy spent… but it comes naturally.

I never thought I would be married at 22. I’m edgy and sarcastic and kind of a dick. I never thought I would buy a car or have my own apartment, either. Everything feels incredibly surreal – like magic has been woven into the tapestry of my life. We got back into a normal routine today. I dropped the fur baby off at her Papa’s, went and got our groceries, and unboxed all of our new kitchen tools. Another thing: I have a fully functional kitchen now and it feels like I am an entirely new person. I should send my thank-you notes out with coupons for my eternal servitude attached because that’s how fucking grateful we are. It feels like all the pieces of who I am and who I was supposed to be have settled gracefully into my chest.

Marriage with mental illness is hard.

Being married to a deputy is hard.

Although, I am a fighter. I will fight for him until my heart stops and my lungs are empty because God, I love him. He amazes me every day. I’ll fight through my anxiety and my frozen sadness for him. I’ll fight through sleepless nights and empty beds and whatever I have to for him to come home.  I’ll learn how to be the best wife that I am capable of being, I will memorize a thousand recipes, make a million to-do lists if it means that things run smoother. I’ll put my pride aside and quell my anger. I may never give up my driving habits or my impulsive ways, but he calms the storm inside me regardless.

I can now return to reading and baking and driving to Tahoe for no other reasons than to take pictures and quench my need for blacktop. The apartment is saged, the first taste of autumn has arrived. I feel whole.

Marriage isn’t for everyone and I never thought it would be for me; yet, here we are, my threads all untangled and finally at peace.

That’s all there is,

The Book Witch

Also, I have an amazing recipe for skillet salmon with bell peppers. You know where to find me.

 

Standard
personal, Uncategorized

Perks of Being Friends With a Witch

  • We always have sage, palo santo, or Florida water on us at all times. Does your apartment have weird vibes? We got you, bro.
  • Speaking of things we carry with us at all the time, the number of crystals a witch will hoard in their car / house / bra / shoes is fucking insane. The good news is that crystals are great for a multitude of reasons, including throwing them at other humans.
  • You’ll quickly find that urban witches are the tits because we’re fantastically gifted at improvising, you’ll also find that traditional witches are also the tits because they are more than likely to have everything you need on hand.
  • We have a plethora of jars and candles; don’t ask, just accept.
  • Witches are some of the best friends to have since we see magic in the smallest of acts; the bass in a car thumping inside your chest, throwing your head back from laughter, and quiet nights at home are all magical to us. We find magic in everything.
  • Tarot cards, all the tarot cards. I personally carry a deck with me at all times since I never know when I or a loved one is going to need a reading.
  • Edgier witches will fuck someone up for you 24/7, kinder witches will passive aggressively remove them from your life.
  • We’re sentimental as fuck and appreciate homemade gifts more than anything. We know the kind of love it takes to make something for another person. In other words, we’re a cheap date and we don’t expect much for Christmas.
  • In relation to the last bullet point, we celebrate everything. Some of us celebrate in more subtle ways, some of us gather the whole coven and throw a party. Enjoy your new found insanity.
  • We’ll invite you for tea and draw sigils in your cup.
  • Have you been having a weird month? Ask your neighborhood witchcraft practitioner about it! There’s probably a planet in retrograde or a full moon and you bet your sweet ass that we have a crystal for that.
  • We memorize our friends’ and family members’ birth charts. You’ll never have a friend who knows you as thoroughly as a witch.
  • We like to go on unique dates; cemeteries, bodies of water, antique stores, and forests are all places that we thrive in and will invite you to.
  • So many books on so many magical topics. So many, send help.
  • Most witches have a familiar so you get two for the price of one!
  • You’ll get a lot of “I can tell something is going on with you, let’s meet up” text messages
  • Kitchen witches make bomb food with a fucking purpose!
  • If you have a spirit in your home, your witch friend will probably be able to feel something strange upon their first visit and depending on your personal beliefs, they will be happy to communicate with and/or remove it.
  • Random, peculiar gifts. Don’t ask, Sharon, just put the crow’s foot in your pocket.
  • Every witch is different, you’ll never meet one who is exactly like another. Collect them all! The possibilities are endless!

 

Be friends with a fucking witch, you won’t be disappointed.

DSC_0072DSC_0091witch

That’s all there is,

The Book Witch

Standard